You've Got a Friend
by bspokebelle
Summary: Thought Kate needed someone supportive.
1. Chapter 1

Greg was one of her oldest friends. He would do anything for Kate. Kate wondered why Caroline refused to see that and instead chose to see him as an adversary?

He'd always wanted what was best for Kate and he could see that his dear, sweet friend was hurting and longing and genuinely wanted nothing more than to restore the bright light that had gone out in her eyes, had wanted to lift the pall concealing her whimsical heart.

He tenderly held her naked, wounded body and kissed her fraught but still exquisite face with the affection of a care-taker. He entered her with a solid determination to reach the destination where hearts were made and sometimes broken…

Kate wept ever so quietly or was it that the beating of her heart against her chest demanding to be let out drowned out her profound sobs? She had given up on the love of her life for the last time, but she was immovable in her desire to be somebody's mum.

She told herself that it would all be alright in the end. She had the love and support of a dear friend. She was keenly aware of the moment of conception that night with Greg…it was an all too familiar feeling. She had every confidence in her ability to conceive and she was armed with a clean bill of health from her physician. It seemed that she was well on her way to fulfilling her dreams of motherhood. She wouldn't dwell on the empty space and empty promises left by her last lover nor the possibility that her chromosomes might fail her a fifth time…

Greg spent the entire journey back to Kate's bungalow engaging her with pop music trivia and horror stories from the dating scene. Kate likened the search of finding the right partner to the search for a needle in a haystack. Greg assured her that he was in no rush and was well up for it. Kate hoped that, with any luck, her child would have his incredible sense of adventure and good nature. She appreciated the fact that he had given no opinion on Caroline.

_Caroline…_Kate sighed…

Love is blind…and a form of madness!


	2. Love's An Empty Language

Love's An Empty Language

She got in, shut the door…then turned 'round to make certain it was bolted. It had been a particularly emotional day and Kate wanted no more business with the world outside and it surely it wanted no more business with her. Yet and still she raised the windows in the sitting room just a touch to let out the stifled air that had been trapped all day in her one-woman cotage.

She proceeded to the kitchen to put the kettle on and prepare a plate of cheese and crackers and melon and prosciutto. Along the way she switched on the radio. It was still at full volume from the time she was home gathering and sorting things before going back to Caroline's. She remembered Lawrence's 'rocket science' shot across the bow that day in Caroline's kitchen. It amazed her how happiness triumphantly danced all over apprehension and how she'd packed and pranced to Prince's "Irresistible Bitch". God, had it really been that long since she had filled her place with music? But this?! Barbra bloody Streisand!? _I am a woman in love and I'll do anything to get you into my world…_No Thanks! Kate swiftly silenced the ridiculous declarations blasting through the stillness and her numb core.

Before she could even realize… she found herself face first in the toilet purging herself of agony and ache. She needed to protect the very precious life that was growing inside her. She knew that she needed to be optimistic, albeit cautiously, about the day when the pure joy that had taken quite a few wrong turns around the bend to finally meet her face to face. In the distance she made out the familiar sound of the kettle releasing trapped steam. Tea kettles don't whistle, Kate thought…they scream! How had she not ever noticed that before? She was a music instructor for Heaven's sake! God almighty! Could she be more all over the place? So wrought with fear of the unknown? Was it a simple lesson that she'd never learned? How did she wind up so confounded and conflicted?

As she sipped her tea and devoured crackers to quell her anxiety, there was a text from Greg saying that his flight out to Geneva was on time and that he'd ring her once he'd checked in to the GMO summit and got settled in his hotel room and that he'd hoped that her meeting with Caroline yielded a positive outcome. She recalled how excited he was for her when she told him the news of her pregnancy and had how he had encouraged her to find a way to get past her despair and anger over Caroline's indisputable fuck up. He sincerely wished that she could find a way to move forward and get things right with the woman he knew had claimed her heart. But Kate had decided to use her head instead that morning. No such luck there! Kate responded to Greg's text out loud. She took note of the fact that, for the time being, she was back to talking to herself. And then made another mental note to find the sweet little story books of classic children's tales in Italian that she had used to help her comprehend the language ages ago to read aloud to the love inside her once the potato and leek soup that she was preparing was set to simmer. She was not going to allow herself a moment of precious time feeling guilty about the way she had left things with Caroline earlier in the day…for her inability to capitulate…for the moments of self-loathing thinking that she was not an actual scientist getting actual results…for not knowing how to make it right without any assistance from her glorious headmistress.

Love's an empty language when not fearlessly spoken…the modern languages teacher mused sadly.


	3. Chapter 3

Maybe We're Wrong and the World is Right

It was difficult for Kate to not dissolve into nothingness when she surrendered herself to thoughts of Caroline's electric blue gaze that sent such terrifyingly exhilarating bursts of energy through Kate that would rival Tesla's own imaginings. Of the hint of chocolate in the orange blossom potion she scented her neck and shoulders with that made Kate feel like she was barely clinging to the tallest of trees. The notes of violet and cream Kate detected in Caroline's voice whenever she heard her call out her name and the orchestral movements it roused in her regions of desire. The way Caroline turned the words on pages of books into succulent feasts of opulent fortification. The feeling of being spun like silk derived from every touch of Caroline's purposeful fingertips. The luminous state of ecstasy when they were alone together tangled within the sheets, gliding blindly through the dark secret of night until they'd reached the dew of morning…

The sudden shift of light from a marauding band of clouds streaking across a setting sun produced a shaft of light that woke Kate from her reverie…

Vividly recalling the afternoon in Caroline's kitchen with John and Celia when she'd found herself gleefully sifting through possible names for babies, her slip of the tongue nearly divulging she and Caroline's parenting plans and Celia's befuddlement and subsequent confident proclamation that Caroline was too old and "she'd not want to go through all of that again at her age!" No…Kate thought…it was best to just get on with it, with life without Caroline. There was no more need of weighing out the uncertainty and variability of plausible outcomes.

Sufficiently sated for the time being, Kate cleared the tiny, rustic table tucked in the corner of her kitchen and then gave the simmering pot of soup a gentle stir allowing the aromatic fusion at play underneath the clay lid to fill her senses. She drifted off into the sitting room and gingerly lowered herself into the cushioned chair that faced the panoramic window…nimbly strumming the plumpening lump of her belly as she basked in a spectacular twilight.

Try as she might, Kate was defenseless in ridding herself of thoughts easily leading always back to Caroline. As she supped on soup and toasted bread her head filled with the events of her day, most specifically of the events that had occurred earlier in Caroline's office.

The four walls of Caroline's office seemed to gather from the hinterlands to lay siege upon Kate's logical strategy…unmercifully pushing up against her hopelessness and helplessness… knowing full well that she'd wanted nothing more than the thrill of delivering the happy news to Caroline that, amazingly, she was twelve weeks into carrying their child. For her, it was a thrill of a lifetime, but obviously, for Caroline, it was simply logistics. The way Caroline reacted to her news… blunt and dismissive, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth only squared Kate's resolve that their relationship would always be a tedious and endless game of Go, Fetch! Although, she hadn't really thought out what she'd hoped Caroline to say or do, the acquiescent, "Congratulations." Caroline uttered as Kate moved to leave her office didn't lessen Kate's contentions. So, she had finished what she'd gone into that room to do and would leave it at that…

Only as she was making her way to bed did she realize the tune that she'd been humming in her head all day was Everything But the Girl's self-assuring vow …

_You see… I always was your girl… always will be… you and me against the world …_


	4. It's a Little Alone Chapter 4

It's a Little Alone

It was a crisp, pastel-colored Saturday morning when Greg turned up on her doorstep bearing bountiful news and breakfast pastries. Kate's eyes widened with delight at the sight of freshly-baked Danish, scones and muffins. "Jesus McKenzie, you're going to have a pretty sizeable arse if you continue on at this rate!" she caught herself thinking. This led her to a warm memory of her granny, lovingly chastising her as a child: "You eat like a bird!" and Kate's ever cheeky response was always "What kind of bird?" and her Gran, each time would name a different species of bird whereby compelling Kate to find its picture in the encyclopedias she coveted.

She came back into focus as Greg excitedly rattled off the highlights of his current life. His presentation to the Board of Counsel on the illegal dumping of toxic waste and the equally insidious pilfering of sea-life of the ocean along Somalian shores was well received. His mum's cancer was in remission and his baby sister was carrying her first child! He was over the moon at being an uncle alongside fostering Kate's dream of being a Mum!

Kate managed to side-step any talk of Caroline with the intrusion of time…she needed to be off to collect her Mum for their visit with her Dad.

Kate and Mona were greeted warmly by the staff at the Center and were happily led through the sterile corridors to her Dad's suite. An open smile careened across her face as she soaked in the magnificence of his transformative face.

The tension in the atmosphere was briefly alleviated when Kate asked, "Dad, how are you feeling?" and he responded by wriggling his ten, long fingers in the air "Oh, you know…with my fingers." It was like meeting a beautiful stranger for the very first time…the way he looked at Mona and back at Kate and concluding that Kate "Must have been a very clever girl because your Mum shows no signs of worry over you." Kate flashed a bashful smile, but couldn't help gleaning the disappointment in her Mum's eyes that the once devoted husband and doting father now viewed them as mere acquaintances.

Alone at home in her cottage after leaving her mum with her auntie Vivian, Kate delicately tucked an orange into the cavity of the chicken she'd got from the farmer's market on her way home and wistfully sang along to the verses of the tune emanating from her speaker-box…_a float, a drift, a flight, a wing, a hawk, a quail, the promise of spring_…she adored the compositions of Tom Jobim…and the dance in Caroline's eyes, sad or otherwise…_and the river bank talks of the waters of March, it's the promise of life, it's the joy in your heart_ …Kate was stuck with a certain sadness. "How had it come to be that the most joyous time of my life is filled with such heartache?" She was jarred from her despair by the tone of her mobile ringing. "Mum dialing up with more internet discoveries" she presumed.

"Hello?" Kate answered the unidentified caller curiously.

"Ms. McKenzie?"

"Yes?" Kate answered all ears.

"It's Lawrence…Lawrence Elliot…"

A brief, overdue update.


	5. How Long I Have Waited

How Long I Have Waited

"Lawrence. Yes. Hello?" Did the endings of her nerves suddenly make contact with the blood in her stream and titillate her core? "Is everything alright?" Kate tried to quell the dread now battling for top position in her head.

"It's…it's…it's just that I can't get hold of me Mum. She won't pick up when I ring her and me Dad's gone off and left me for Judith and I can't get hold of me Gran. I didn't know what else to do, I rang Will and he said that I should ring you." He relinquished nervously without ever taking a breath. Kate heard shades of Caroline.

"Its fine Lawrence, what do you need me to do?"

"Can you come and get me, please? I'm sorry that I got it all wrong!"

"Of course I will, Lawrence, just tell me where you are?" The door to Kate's mind quickly shut to an encroaching panic.

"I don't know!" The voice on the line scared and lost. "Judith's flat! I don't know where I am!"

Using a logic that came naturally to her, she instructed Lawrence to find some mailer lying about with Judith's return address. Tapping the address into her navigator device, she grabbed her ring of keys and headed for the front door only to stop in her tracks! "Shit! That chicken will be roasting!" She doubled-back to the kitchen and extinguished the oven. "Last thing I need is to drive up to a house afire," she exhaled as she headed off.

Kate recognized the sullen boy standing under a street-lamp as she slowly stopped her car in front of him and nodded towards the passenger seat.

XX

They took the ride back to Kate's in silence. Kate was focused and yet confused without the details; Lawrence seemed occupied with guilt and disappointment. Kate could now see shades of Caroline. A side glance at him made her wonder what he'd meant when he said, 'I'm sorry that I got it all wrong'.

Kate pulled the car to a stop at her cottage, "We're here, but you've been here before so you know the lay of the land. I'll attend to the chicken in the oven while you wash up and get settled." She couldn't help taking in his exasperation over the embarrassing situation. "Not to worry, I had the forethought of having the feathers removed before I placed it in the oven. " She was amused, he was not.

Once inside, Kate headed to re-ignite the oven for supper and set a pot of water to boil for rice, and then went about collecting linens for the spare for her unexpected guest.

Lawrence re-appeared from her upstairs, looking lost and unsure. Kate settled him squarely and asked him what, exactly, had transpired. She listened intently as Lawrence poured out the details.

"I'm sorry that I got it all wrong! I'm sorry I called her boring and I said that I wanted to go and live with me Dad! And now she hates me! "

"No one hates you Lawrence, not your Mum or your Dad. Your Dad is probably beside himself with worry that you've gone missing. Won't you give me his mobile number so that I can ring him, let him know where you are? That you're okay?"

"No, me Dad is only happy beside a bottle and an alcoholic!" Kate couldn't argue with that observation, given the circumstances.

"Right. So, I'll just get some supper on the table and try ringing your Mum. Would you mind keeping an eye on the veggies atop the burner?" He shrugged compliance as she went to dial up Caroline.

XX

Kate's call went straight to voicemail: "Please leave your message for Caroline Elliot at the signal and I will return your call."

"Caroline, its Kate, slightly a bit worried that you haven't picked up your phone or your messages. I've got Lawrence here with me. Please don't make me call in the cavalry to find you! Ring me." Mentally, she smoothed the worry furrows from her brow and headed back in to look after Lawrence.

The playful mischief in his eyes had gone dark, "Did you find her, Ms. McKenzie?"

"No, Lawrence." she herself defeated in the answer, "But let's not fret, shall we? She'll turn up…and please call me Kate."

XX

Oh, were they a pair, a strapping teenager and an insatiable Mum-to-be. Dinner was devoured.

"Ms. McK…Kate…can I ask a question?"

"Sure." There was nothing she loved more than directness.

Under hooded eyes and rose-blushed cheeks, he made a start. "Are you…pregnant…you know…having a baby?"

"Yes, I am."

"So, this means that you and me Mum are finished? You have a fella'?"

Kate wasn't sure if his question was born out of grief or relief, she could only acknowledge that there was confusion.

"I think the world of your Mum, and I'd never, ever want to hurt her." Now feeling the ground separate itself from her feet, she tried to adjust, "You and William and your happiness and security are your Mum's highest priority…it's what makes her so unrepentantly alive and living. She will never stop loving you."

"But she loves you…she loves you Kate! I've never seen her happier! Why did you choose another fella'? Why did you abandon her?"

"Lawrence, there is no one for me other than your Mum, I've not chosen another fella'…I've just chosen to be a Mum…and that is the sum of its parts. Now, go scrub and floss your teeth and head to bed. I promise you your Mum will turn up."

"She won't be the same without you."

"Off you go, try and get some sleep."

XX

She'd hoped that Caroline would turn up to collect Lawrence, mainly because she needed to know that Caroline was safe, and honestly because she had no desire to come face-to-face with the idiot that was Caroline's husband. There was still no word from Caroline and John had demanded that Lawrence be returned immediately. As if she'd kidnapped the boy!

Ever the repugnant ingrate, John made no real attempt at offering Kate an explanation. Which was well and good as far as it concerned her. Caroline had surfaced, easing Kate's anxiety, and that was all that mattered to Kate. Not that John would ever consider her feelings where Caroline was concerned.

Door shut on her face, easily dismissed as if she were simply there making a delivery! Kate sat in her car, just outside Caroline's drive, lost for words…

Her mobile vibrated, thankfully it was Greg.

"Greg!"

The only sound she heard was him humming a few notes.

"Easy!" Kate snorted. "_The Look of Love_. Burt Bacharach, composer; Hal David, writer and original recording by Dusty Springfield. "

"Of course there's no stumping you!" He laughed.

"Well, try harder Crabtree."

"I will do. You have not heard the last of me McKenzie! How'd you get on with your Dad yesterday?"

Kate let go a deep, audible breath.

"So…not great?" Besides Richard, Greg was the only other person Kate found comfortable in confiding her heartache over the situation with her Dad.

"Yeah, no, it was great to see him. He looks well, just can't tell me from a stretch of road." She snapped.

Kate felt as if a hurricane was beginning to build in her head.

"And your Mum?" Greg treaded cautiously.

"I don't know, really. Not exactly the ideal way to grow old together, is it? But, hey, stand by your man!" Kate knew that she wasn't getting wound up about her parent's situation. It was all over a wretch called John. "Sorry, I didn't mean that."

"What is it Kate?"

Kate began to tell Greg the tale of her night with Caroline's son Lawrence. "How could one be so reckless with the greatest gifts given to him?" She wondered. And what Lawrence had told her about Judith being pregnant? Just more for him to squander! "And shutting the door on my face as if he'd just signed for a random delivery? If I never set eyes on John Elliot again, that would be just fine by me!"

"Kate, get hold of yourself, you mustn't get so upset. I don't want to have to worry about you. Where are you?"

"I'm sitting in my car, just outside of Caroline's. I should get off home and lie down."

"Are you sure you're fit to drive?"

"I'll be fine. I'll ring you later." She closed the mobile, switched on the radio and pulled onto the road ahead. Suddenly she burst out in gales of laughter.

…_the look of love is saying so much more than just words could ever say…and what my heart has heard well it takes my breath away…_

Kate wondered if the baby was showing early signs of being a Bacharach enthusiast or just relieved to feel the vibrations of laughter as it gently shifted beneath her.

**Another academic year in the record books and lazy summer days ahead, I hope to move this story along and do Kate and Caroline justice! Thanks for the feedback!**


	6. It's Probably Me

It' Probably Me

By the time she'd reached her cottage, Kate's emotional levels had tweaked right back up to piqued. Even though she had been the one to ring Caroline to let her know that Lawrence was with her, Caroline went straight to John. "And why not?" she scoffed, "Not like I've ever done anything for her." Kate leaned against her little car, inhaling the cool air, "Sod it!" she huffed, "I've put up with more than my share of humiliation from that lot!"

_You're not the easiest person I ever got to know, and it's hard for us both to let our feelings show…_

Not one to be bothered with a television, growing up she was mostly fascinated with nature and the piano, at University she was immersed in language studies, choir and indie films; now Kate found herself with a flat screen at her Mum's insistence. As she aimed the clicker at the black box, other voices began to fill her hushed room. And, in that instance, she could see why her Mum relied upon its company. She rested her back against the soft cushioning of her sofa, surfing the dials until she happened on a documentary chronicling the life and times of a modern day maestro. When she was a child, her Dad had walked her through every nuance of Quincy Jones' stellar compositions and she fell deeply in love with him, partly because he had the look of her Dad, partly because of the look in her Dad's eyes as he talked her through every detail of this man's orchestration.

Kate relinquished herself to full repose with the dried apricots and pumpkin seeds her Mum had prepared for her to snack and settled in for a trip down memory lane guided by a wistfully enchanting and vaguely familiar voice.

_When the world's gone crazy and it makes no sense, there's only one voice that comes to your defense…_

The last thing Kate had expected to see was Caroline outside her door. Yet there she was, winning the competition against the bouquet of flowers she held in her hands. Be that as it may, Kate would not allow her emotions to sway. She did, however, decide to step aside, let Caroline in this one last time and hear her out.

It was all too clear to Kate that Caroline's confidence was wobbly at best…but she could not help but to be irritated at having to sit through a discussion about birthing partners for the child that was meant to be hers and Caroline's. Mentally, she was no longer present. She needed Caroline to get to her point.

Caroline instead, broached another sore point. "What about Greg? What about him?"

Jesus! Kate thought. Can this woman really be that daft after all we've shared? "No, he really never was part of the equation beyond…" she gestured towards the bundle above her waist. "He has no intentions of being a father to my child. He's a good friend and has done me an incredible favor. If nothing else, I can only hope that he will be a positive presence in my child's life."

"I see." It was good that she was sitting down; Kate's words 'my child' packed a tremendous blow and left her sinking further into depths of despair. "Anyone else?" all hopes quickly being abandoned.

Kate narrowed her enormously dark eyes squarely at the faltering figure before her, "Such as?" arms now carefully folded against her to try and hold it all in.

"Sorry." Caroline, not imagining the tiny speck of light through the swallowing darkness, summoned her gutted vestiges to stay afloat beyond all of the wreckage. "The point is, apart from me coming here to thank you for looking after Lawrence…" swallowing a dry heap of air, "the point is…we had something really nice that happened between us."

As promised to herself, Kate listened to Caroline's soliloquy, her bumbled plea. While it was true that Caroline left much to be desired, Kate's expectations required a little more than 'something really nice'. No…she needed to see the magnificent, sensual, sure-footed, say it like it is woman she'd come to love and trust, unashamed in her lust, thrilled with teaching convention a thing or two. Kate could not take the woman trembling before her, asking for another chance at…what? And so, she sent Caroline on her way.

_It's hard to say it. I hate to say it, but it's probably me… _


	7. A Pearl in My World

A Pearl in my World

The evening was a series of fits and starts following Caroline's afternoon visit. This woman, with the uncanny ability to lose Kate just as quickly as she'd found her, had once again left Kate in a state of immeasurable sadness. Kate could no longer plumb the depths of those sea blue eyes, save Caroline from being swallowed up by treachery. The effect that Caroline had on Kate bordered dangerously close to disintegration. She'd been there before, with Carly. She let out a deep, audible cry, "Oh God, Carly." Kate couldn't recall the last time she'd let herself think about that time in her life, when she'd discovered that monsters could come disguised in human form. Kate felt deeply empathetic towards Caroline's awakening and utter dismay about the evils of the world when she'd sat before Kate and retold bits of her night with Gillian and the humiliating things Gillian had confessed to enduring in confidence with Caroline, " …he just penned her down and she took it because she couldn't do anything about it." Caroline's mortification, Gillian's nightmare, Kate's dreams of a life beyond loss. Ironically, all that Kate truly desired was to have Caroline back in her shelter, back in her bed, back in her arms and talk about the good times she cherished when Carly was alive. She imagined comforting Caroline with the fact that Gillian had made it out of a Hell with her life whereas Carly didn't. It was all too difficult for Kate to calibrate.

She made a go at idling the racing pace of her mind and heart by tidying the dishes left to dry from last night's supper with Lawrence, but the agitation proved insurmountable. The Greco-blue plate leapt from her unsteady grip and shattered against her Corinthian floor. She soon followed; slumped against the wooden counter, shattered and scattered amongst the ruins of the ill-fated plate.

Kate found herself on the floor of her kitchen studying her hands in much the same way she'd studied them as she had found herself slumped against the wooden pew in the chapel at Carly's funeral those so many significant years ago, asking them for answers. It came naturally to her, using her hands to rouse the spirit of joy, of memory, and sometimes melancholy in other's hearts; but in that moment in time, she desperately wanted to know why her hands could not save a life.

_Maureen, I miss you. I just can't explain. I'm never going to see you again…I wish you could meet my new friends._

It was Kate and Carly and Christy, as thick as thieves, gathered around the record player Kate's dad had gotten her for her very own on her sixteenth birthday. Every day, after school, listening repeatedly, emulating a razor-sharp 3 piece-band led by a sublimely exquisite Nigerian chanteuse called Sade Adu. Kate was the band, Christy was backing vocals, and Carly was always lead vocalist…never mind that she wasn't even Nigerian, she was Gaelic, but it all made perfect sense. _Promise_ was a magical madness of music between the three of them until Jessup set his sights on Carly…

_And Maureen, with the boys you could tell at a glance. You'd say he looks good…let's hope he can dance…_

In the beginning, Kate put it down as simply being jealous of Jessup's obsession with Carly and Carly's utter delight in his lavish attentions. He was the handsomest lad in all the land according to him and his well-heeled mum, but all Kate saw was a pompous little shit whose self-esteem you couldn't find even if you looked for it under the belly of a snake. She was sure that he was not the man that could ever shed a tear. Kate looked on, helplessly, as Carly became an artful dodger. Ditching school, begging off invitations and fabricating a life less ordinary. When Carly did turn up, it was always only to seek refuge, a respite…and, in that sense, Kate did not want to badger her for whys; why the garish make-up? Why all of the lies? Why do you recoil at the slightest attempt of an embrace? Kate was gutted watching the life draining from Carly's once sparkling emerald eyes. That pain was soon to be surpassed the day her mum called her into the sitting room; she had never seen her mum so crestfallen and lost for words. Jessup had taken Carly's life and then his own. Kate was inconsolable.

_Where are we going tonight? And what will you be wearing? Shone like a souped-up car in that rent-a-go-kart town. And I miss you Maureen, I miss you girl_.

Kate realized that she was sitting on the floor in her own kitchen, racked with grief, a multitude of irises from Caroline's bouquet watching hopefully over her.

**A heartfelt "Thank You" to all that continue to follow and offer words of encouragement to this fanfic! To all of the contributors…you give me the sweetest taboo. **


	8. A Pearl in My World-II Chapter 8

A Pearl in my World-II

She decided on a walk in the cool night air. Desired to conquer the darkness by dividing it, slicing clean through it like an august ship whose sails yawn against a tempest in high moon to stay the course and reach the lighthouse. Make mockery of the gnarl and howl of restlessly cresting waves that had no love to give; undaunted, knowing for certain that she would soon be fed tea and oranges upon the shores of the watchtower.

"He only says those cruel things because I'm weak and he just wants me to be stronger." _Carly's words harsh abrasions against Kate's mahogany planks._ "I'm of low-breeding and average looks and I should show more gratitude for the courage it takes for him just to be seen with me…to call me his girl!" _Kate's keel begins to lose its structural integrity_. "He punishes me for my own good Kate, he doesn't want me to suffer the ridicule of his posh friends, he doesn't want me to be an embarrassment, he knows so much more about the world than I could ever begin to imagine!" _The latches of her hatches were proving no match for the torrent of why and wherefores._ "He loves me Kate, he really does! He just wants to make me perfect for him. I want to be made perfect for him!" _The airwaves drowned,_ _Kate fires a distress signal_. Hell and high waters!

"No…Carly, listen…that's not how it works…you don't pound square pegs into round holes. You are perfectly imperfect! Jessup's the one that's got it all wrong! He's a gutless, badly educated Neanderthal hiding behind ill-gotten gains and he's only projecting his inadequacies on you because misery only seeks to refine its own reflection!" _Her anchor floating like an ornamental charm in a bottomless sea…_

"You've always thought that you were so much better than others just because you've read a book or two! Going on about twats like Socrates, Plato and Aristotle! " Carly spat back," Your mother was weak and fell pity to her African servant that did not know his place!" _Kate had capsized_. They would never speak again.

_You were my best friend, never going to see you again…Maureen… you'll never met my new friends…you really were a pearl in my world…_

The vibrant winds of the here and now whistled through her ears: "Be fearless Kate, someone of great courage will soon greet you." There was a movement of assurance in her belly, and she raised her head to collect some stars as she strolled back to her cottage, along the way ringing Greg.

"Kate!" Greg being Greg charged right in, "I was just thinking about you!"

"I know, precisely why I rang." She chuckled.

"Did you know that this is the 30th anniversary of _Purple Rain_?!"

"No? You're joking! Has it really been that long?!" Kate mustered an enthusiastic tone for the nostalgia.

"I instantly thought of you when I heard! You used to blast it through the halls! What was that one you put on repeat…had everyone in a frenzy?"

"Let's Go Crazy"! Kate blushed at the antics she was capable of back in those days… organizing the rallies…the concerts and that epic scavenger hunt resulting in a boon of shiny treasures laid at the feet of the campus square's Alma Matar …the authorities bemused while carting them off in silly handcuffs on grounds of public nuisance...how she discovered her desire for a woman's scent on her lips while being simultaneously devoured by an equally hungry mouth, tongues in tandem, reaching an electrifying finish…

"Kate… you still there," Greg realized that she was in another space of continuum, "where are you?"

"Out for a walk, needed to clear my head with some fresh air...sorry. Can I ring you later?" Suddenly wishing she hadn't rung Greg with the state she was in.

"Has something else happened?" He didn't know Kate to be the type to close off when something was on her mind.

"You could say," still trying to connect space and time. "Just thinking about Carly, remember, I told you about her?"

"How could I ever forget? The massive rally you organized every year in her honor. You issued that brilliant manifesto, can't recall the title exactly". Clearly leafing through the archives of his mind," 'The Pathology in our Patriarchy' was it?"

"Jesus! You remembered that?!" Kate's jaw slacked. "God, I thought the administration would burn me at the stake! So defensive!" Kate clucked.

"You were my hero. I often think that that contributed to the breakdown of my marriage. How Lizzie expected me to control her every move, every thought, rule with an iron fist. I was a constant disappointment by her standards." Realizing his own tangent, he came back to his connection with Kate. "What's made you think of Carly?"

"Caroline came 'round this afternoon, with flowers, to thank me for looking after Lawrence and to ask for another chance…"

"Did she?"

"Uh-hum..." Kate folded her long limbs on the tiny steps of her door, still not ready for the confines of her quiet cottage.

"How does Carly play into this?"

"Caroline would have no idea when she told me the things she'd learned about Gillian, her sister-in-law's life before her husband committed suicide. The abuse she endured."

"I see, but why would she tell you all of this?"

"I think she told me because she needed to tell someone. She was in shock. Who wouldn't be?"

"No, of course…I recall it taking me days to absorb the shock of Carly's story. So, how did you leave things?"

"I couldn't bring myself around, again, to hoping that Caroline was actually capable of embracing the idea of being a partner, a parent, a grown up with me. What I realized was that the illustrious Dr. Caroline Elliot makes a commendable effort in showing that she's on top of things, when nothing could be further from the truth."

"It sounds like she needs you, Kate." He'd met Caroline only the one time and he'd never felt so inadequate, something he had never thought he'd feel with anything to do with Kate, but he genuinely believed that Kate could conquer all, and the fall was inevitable when she determined her heart.

"Yeah, well, there's someone that needs me more." She pulled herself up off the steps and headed through the door.

"Will you have dinner with me on Saturday? There's someone I'd like you to meet." He asked in conclusion.

"You're not playing at match-maker are you?" Kate picked at pieces of a cold roast she had retrieved from the fridge.

"Absolutely not McKenzie!" he defended, "I'm quite taken with her, she works as a translator, and we met on my trip to The Hague."

"Smitten, are we?" Kate teased with glee. "Saturday it is then. Night Greg…and thanks, thanks a lot!"

"Anytime Kate, rest up."

***Thanks to all that continue to read and encourage my exploration of Kate McKenzie.* **


	9. It Dives, It Jumps and It Ripples

It Dives, It Jumps and It Ripples

Mug of tea, toast and jam and a piece of fruit was all she could bear. The morning paper reported: All Out War! "No news there." She scoffed and folded the paper away. Next, there was the book of traditional baby names her Mum had ordered over the internet, the sight of the word 'traditional' brought on a lightness in her head...or maybe it was just the nausea. More ginger tea and toast. This was the first morning she would pass through the doors of Sulgrave Heath after her last intimate and heartbreaking encounter with Caroline the day before. The plan was simple, she'd be the teacher and Caroline would be her headmistress, it would be as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. That's what they had agreed upon as she walked Caroline to the door of her cottage and Caroline turned to her and asked for her assurance that Kate would stay on at the school. Kate had to concede that she loved the school and the children, assuring Caroline that she hadn't any plans to go elsewhere for the time being. Still, she was a bundle of nerves not knowing whether she could uphold the emotional pretense when she came face to face in the place where she had fallen in love with this woman, but it was she who had taken the decision to end any chance and knew that it would not be fair to Caroline if she vacillated.

It had been a week with no surprises. Caroline stayed barricaded in her office and Kate kept to her classrooms. Lawrence appeared to be happy to see her when they would cross paths in the corridors. The other teachers had moved on to picking apart Michael Dobson's arrest for driving under the influence, and with a notorious male hustler in the passenger seat, no less!

Kate was happy for a quiet Friday evening. Bits of this and that, the lovely chat with her Mum, getting to the article Greg had forwarded to her on the latest results in Alzheimer research, the obituary of Maya Angelou she hadn't brought herself to read yet, and the menu and shopping list for Saturday's dinner. She'd offered to make dinner at hers for Greg and his new friend, Greg had made a feeble go at protest, before he came around to admitting that he liked the idea. Her Mum would come to collect her on Saturday morning; they would have breakfast out, pay their visit to her Dad and then do the shopping for Kate's dinner party.

Kate curled up on the sofa after soaking in a warm bath and pointed the clicker at the tube and shuffled the remote options until she hit upon a classic 1970's bedroom farce.

She opened the door to be greeted with charming smiles. She welcomed them in.

"Kate, Naomi! Naomi, Kate!" Greg appeared to relish the introduction. The newly introduced stepped forward and wrapped Kate in a warm hug.

"You're very pretty." Naomi pulled back to admire more. "And positively radiant! When are you due?"

"Kate blushed; radiant was the first word that sprang to mind upon sight of this woman. "How sweet of you to say, late January. Come in. "Kate ushered as the pair in to the dining area. "I'm just making dinner now."

Naomi turned to Greg, "Why don't you get your iPad from the car and I'll help Kate in the kitchen?" For a second Greg looked at her, a bit confused, until he realized that he quite liked the suggestion. "You can read about wars and plagues and play capture the crown to your heart's content." She assured him. He left the unannounced tiramisu he'd brought for dessert sitting on the table, and was off.

Naomi turned to Kate and handed her an exquisite little book, "A small token of thanks for inviting me to your home."

Kate ran her fingers over the cover…_Taller than Buildings_ written by Phillippa Yaa De Villiers.

"Do you know of her?"

"I will now. "

"She's a South African poet and a brilliant screen writer. I write screenplays for hobby." Naomi whispered in a confessional tone.

"Do you? " Kate had now decided that it was well worth her efforts in insisting on an intimate dinner at home.

As the two headed into Kate's kitchen, Naomi took in a deep breath, "You're listening to Sade." She mused.

"Do you mind?" Fretting slightly as she offered Naomi a cork screw.

"I'd have to be deaf in one ear and blind in the other if I minded!" Naomi snorted. "What's your mix?" She asked as she uncorked a bottle of white.

Kate offered her a wine glass, "My mum's British- Indian and my dad's Nigerian, You?"

"My father comes from Germany and my mother from Eritrea."

"United Nations, n'est-ce pas?" Kate responded with a rueful smile.

"Pour certains, mais pas tous. I'll leave talk of politics to Greg." She cleared the air with a very elegant hand. He's filled me on how you came to be with this baby. I hope that doesn't bother you." She began assembling small plates of cheese and olives from the platter Kate had set out.

Kate was taken a little aback, she hadn't really thought about how Greg processed the situation. "This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Greg. I was willing to clean out my bank accounts to conceive this baby, but having experienced a natural state of conception before, four times to be exact, I really could not have imagined it any other way, and never with any other man. Does it bother you?"

"Why would it? I'm much more bothered by the slaughter of innocent children. Four attempts? That's very courageous of you; I think I would have given up after two! Men choose their weapons, women choose their methods. Greg thinks it's brilliant and you get what you want. That's how happiness begins." She raised her glass. "Do you know the sex yet?"

"Not yet, but I'd be happy with a Marie Curie or a Nikola Tesla." Kate laughed.

"You have a thing for scientist, do you?" Naomi peered over her glass rim with a knowing smile and fireworks in her eyes.

Kate hadn't laughed out loud this much in a while, "I suppose I do!"

"I'm aware of your situation with Caroline."

For a second, Kate's mood darkened, and then she had a laugh, "You do know that you have a serious talker on your hands?"

"Well aware. Strong and silent does nothing for me. I've never married, wasn't ready at twenty, nor at thirty and now at forty, I feel most ready. Greg says he's ready. He's got reasonably good taste in music and he genuinely believes that he can save the world; I've always wanted to be a mother, so I figure…Let's Do It!"

"How sweet!" Kate cooed as the waterworks begun to swell in her eyes. "I think Caroline forgot the meaning of ready when she met me." Kate tilted her head to conceal a tear.

"If she's only just forgotten it, maybe she'll surprise you." Thinking about all of the explaining she'd have to do later if Greg walked in and found Kate in tears, she shifted direction. "What does your intuition say to you about the sex?"

"This may come off daft, but on the drive home yesterday I was having a moment with the radio. Stevie Wonder's _I Love Every Little Thing About You_ came on. Do you know that song?"

"Yes, go on." Naomi nudged.

"I was singing my heart out to the baby and I felt her respond. I mean, I felt _her _bouncing around!"

"It's a girl!" Naomi began to clap.

"Fairly certain." Kate winked.

Greg wandered in and Naomi caught him up and danced him around the room declaring her love was wider that Victoria Lake and taller than the Empire State before twirling him out of the kitchen, but not before she handed him a glass of wine and a small plate of cheese and olives.

"Dinner's coming!" Kate shouted to his back.

"We should get at it then. What are we making?" Naomi asked as she topped up her glass.

"Risotto, chops and a spinach salad." Kate explained as Naomi grabbed the cutting block and chopping knife, taking aim at the cleaned asparagus and chanterelle mushrooms.

Kate turned the music up a notch. They were all in for a good night.

**Once again, a Big thanks to all that continue to encourage my indulgence in writing this story!**


	10. Elegant Whirl--Chapter 10

_*This chapter contains a reinterpretation of Afro Blue with lyrics by Oscar Brown, Jr.*_

Elegant Whirl—Chapter 10

Linens cool like sea blue. Sun kindles her cocoa hue. Undulating breeze whispers through trees. Pleas of passion like droplets on her lips. Flower in her hair. Tender sighs break like tides against her hips. Plum rich nipples ripple from a breath and burst into air. Shades of delight dance across her face. Touch down on silk gliding to her secluded place. She begins to take flight, slowly slip away to the fingers stroking on her drum. Surrender to the distance beyond her existence. Dream for two becoming one in sum. She spreads like echo from the incandescent mouth testifying to the taste of her sex. Lover's scent evident testament written all over her body in a text freshly derived. Tropical tongue that tangoes with her night richness. Afro blue knuckles clenched between bared teeth to subside the rhapsody building from the whirl of a world of love inside her love. Covetous orbs of lapis lazuli lasciviously surveying her soulful terrain…

Kate's awakened from her slumbering fantasy by the mewling of a nascent winter gust against her window. Her fingers glistening from the subconscious delve into her own whirlpool as she scours the sheets, searching for any trace of Caroline's presence. Discovering, in this morning ritual, that she is the sole inhabitant; the somber inheritor of an unclaimed climax. Why not? Hadn't she learned the dangers in raised expectations? Hadn't she expected to be gutted, once again, as she waited, pacing about her headmistress' sanctum that day, days after they sat in Caroline's garden and promises were made. The long days after long nights wiled away with imaginings of a quiet getaway together somewhere suddenly asphyxiating her with the same old doubt until Caroline appeared in her camel coat, sexy curvatures, and brazen lust for her lips and flesh. Kate remembered feeling breathless and resuscitated all at once; and the deep throbs between her ears and thighs as Caroline blew salacious rumors in her ear. Easily mistaken for a peacock as she puffed with pride in announcing that she had told John about them. Kate had come around again, after several years, hard at work, cultivating an elaborate maze as defense against every offense to her sound mind. Her fears assuaged by the tender look of relief in a spectrum of the kaleidoscope of eyes that could bring Kate to her knees, blushing with sensitivity and sensibility. Assured that Caroline's missing mother was absolutely fine, right as rain, albeit a bit wobbly but with her saltiness still intact, and that Caroline knew exactly where she wanted to be, the two had made a date that was not a dare and Kate was elated with the prospect of Caroline showing up to her door wanting to be let in.

Still laying within the rumpled sheets of her bed, a few paces ahead of the morning's rise, toying the saturated curls of her black thatch as the memory of the deepest kiss she'd ever remembered receiving drove her fingers deeper into her world away, feeding the beast of ache residing in this place with as many fingers as it could consume, as the fingers of her spare hand strummed to soothe an incorrigible nipple yearning to yield to the plies of a chemist's alchemy. She rode it all out with a stride that would give Godiva pride until she eventually collapsed amongst the feathers of her beddings, soaking them in her rebellious sweat, copious tears and carnal extracts, releasing Caroline's name to the gods in sheer abandon.

"You need to stop this McKenzie!" admonishing herself. For, as much as she loved the chemist, she knew that she could not trust that Caroline wouldn't choose all else above her. She had demonstrated one too many times that Kate was optional. All Kate had ever wanted was to be the one chosen, the one exception. Four times she waited to be chosen only to be dejected each time. Each time she waited for Richard to tell her that nothing else mattered more than his love for her only to watch him give up and walk away. Her thoughts now ran to her time with Edwidge. Just when she had accepted an ungratifying life as a spinster, she found herself sat directly opposite a woman with a smashing cleavage, free spirited laugh and eyes glued to Kate. It didn't seem to matter that this woman's fiancé sat next to her with his arm draped over her shoulder. The dinner party was in full swing when she finally made physical contact, taking Kate by the hand and leading her off to a quiet corner of a cavernous study in her parent's elaborate home to kiss her relentlessly. And so it began, Kate disappearing off to London at every chance to be in her embraces and vehement thrusts in perfectly fleeting spaces. They could never be seen in public. It was: "A table for two?" and the sad answer would be: "No, two tables for one." Edwidge never had any intentions on calling off her wedding, but Kate being Kate, did her level best to make her see that neither one of them would be happy if she chose the marriage. This insatiable woman had just assumed that they would continue on in the bewildering game of deception without contrition. So, once again, it was Kate who was not to be chosen as the love for a lifetime.

It was then that Kate realized she was not alone and allowed herself full agency to savor expectancy. The body growing inside of hers was taking its morning stretch and would soon demand feeding. She gently peeled her flesh from the viscous fibers and headed for the shower, somewhat reluctant at the notion of watching it all gather and then just spiral down the drain as if it weren't an indelible stain.

Washed and air-dried and fitted in clingy cottons, with the tingle on her skin further remaining, Kate prepared some of her favorites, making a batter for crepes to be filled with fig jam and the others filled with fluffy eggs and pancetta. She craved spinach with everything, and so she added lightly tossed mandarin and raspberry vinaigrette to an adequate salad for two. Normally, she would have a hand-picked array of musical abstracts to accompany her culinary endeavors, today she preferred to simply enjoy the silence of her docile domicile.

With nothing pressing on the pulse of her lazy Sunday after hopscotching around the King of Sorrow in her head, she decided to listen to the lyrical calibrations of season's winter psalms and headed back to bed, but not before replenishing it with soft, fresh flannels. There was nothing out there in the world more enticing to her than her own invitation as she climbed into it with her books of poetry and baby names, sheet music and the treasured sonogram photo.

The midday nap proved to be spectacular to her ever-changing moods, and the inks on paper seemed to have seeped into her by way of osmosis, but Caroline still lingered in the air like an unfinished symphony.

She needed to talk it through and so she rang up Greg, her invariable familiar.

"Kate! ", he cheerfully acknowledged. She really did love his exuberance. How seamlessly he seemed to ease into a ray of light, impervious to dark shadows.

"Hi'ya. Is this a good time? I was hoping to just…just…have a word…" She had hoped not to alarm him with the strain in her voice.

"Of course," alarm triggered, "absolutely. Is it the baby? Is she okay? When you rang the other day, you two were inseparable. Though you did right to go in, I must say, it gave me some worry that you drove yourself to hospital."

"No, she's oh so lovely, just fine, despite being stuck with me!" Kate let go an honestly hearty laugh before returning to a cheerless topic. "It's…it's…Caroline." She unloaded the gravity of ache.

"What of Caroline? I know that she was there with you at St. Margret's when you got the wonderful news, but you didn't go into much detail…and I didn't want to press…" he now prodded gently.

"She was there, not missing a beat, at my side, I was so petrified sitting in that waiting room in anticipation of hearing that I'd been denied no matter how hard I'd tried. It hadn't escaped me that she let the fact that she'd been counting up the months of my term betray her; like she'd been carrying the enormity in this little gift along with me the whole time." Overcome by the irrationality fear produces, Kate retreated, "She is, after all, a mother herself and that's maybe what made her feel a sort of attachment."

"Kate…it's unlike you to engage contradictions. My point being, amidst all of the disappointments, complexities, practicalities and madness of everyday living…why you, of all people, would confuse a white flag with a red herring. It sounds to me like Caroline came to be with you, in spite of her fears, which seem to be running along the same veins as yours, to ask that they may be conquered together."

In a failed attempt at pacifying gutsful of recriminations and castigations, she belted out, "You make one hell of a negotiator my friend!"

"How have you left things with Caroline?" Greg persuaded in a steady on tone.

"At a standstill…" She thought back on the moments in that frigid darkroom, clutching on to Caroline's hand for comfort, fearing the worst possible outcome, and then the overwhelming release of warmth her body fully yielded to at seeing that little heart pumping. "I let go of her hand…"

"What was that?" her last words barely perceptible.

"I Grabbed hold of Caroline's hand in console and after reassurances that everything happening in that room was perfectly lovely…I let go her hand with apologies for taking it from the start."

"What were you apologizing for?"

"For wanting, needing her there after I had begrudged her another chance. After everything I demanded without her consort. She certainly hadn't asked for any of this, and, in a strange way I wanted to assure her that she needn't feel responsible for me or this baby." Kate began to see the contradictions in this logic. How it left no space or time for Caroline to grow in this world she'd dreamed of sharing with her.

"Kate, you love her too much to carry on with this crosses-to-bear rubbish. Surely, the both of you have paid dearly enough for past offenses. Caroline's made her feelings very clear, now tell her how you feel, telling me isn't doing you an ounce of good when she's the one that should hear it from you."

"Do you remember that occasion where we were invited to a fancy dress and I convinced you to shave your legs and scruff, and don that pleated mini-skirt and Uni sweater?" Kate grinned.

"Point being…?" He still marveled at the way she brought out the woman in him that night!

"Best cheerleader to ever bring it! Pom-poms really do suit you!" Kate fell apart in gales of laughter looking back on that sight. He really would do anything for her.

"Mischievous McKenzie…what feats will she perform next? Oh! I've got one! Give birth to a baby girl hand in hand with the girl of her dreams!"

"I like the sound of that…and now to brush up on the "Queen of Sheba"…

"You've lost me…"

"Celia, Caroline's mum, rang me to ask if I would play the piano at her wedding and stay for the do afterwards. I couldn't say no. She wants to enter to "The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba". I presume Caroline will be there, though it may not be the most opportune time to bend her ear with the ravings of a woman in love."

"If it's what you want, you'll find a way… I'm well sure of that."

With everything that had fallen apart and fallen into place the weekend of her last birthday, Kate was not entirely certain how she would react, both mentally and physically, to returning to the Inn that afternoon. But, on the road to Yorkshire, she had made up her mind to look on the bright side of things. She would soon be welcoming a baby girl. He mum was so pleased and proud. Greg was over the moon with the news that Naomi was pregnant. She wished with all of her being to see Caroline in good form for a change, happy, heaven in heels, a maestro in full-blown orchestration. It had been too long since Kate had seen her, really seen her. Too long since Kate had really felt her; felt the unrepentant, irrevocable love Caroline was capable of excavating from the wreckage of her past explorations. The ragtime playlist she'd compiled to accompany her on the journey had given her spirits an added buoyancy.

Kate was in her element, the setting had been elegantly transformed to intimate the occasion, as she sat before a very nice piano, ushering in the celebration of a love long lost, never forgotten and now found.

Celia sparkled with sincerity and Alan was ever so enchanted as they vowed their love and honor of one another. Only once did Kate break the spell to steal a glance at her own fortune's chance.

The affable Ted Buttershaw made her to feel quite at ease during the dinner, he was different from Alan only in the sense that the twinkle in his eyes was not reserved for any one particular woman. As Caroline liltingly delivered her encomium to her mum and new dad, Kate felt a bit selfish for imagining that the words "made in heaven" Caroline uttered were really meant for the two of them and the future of their little girl. Her reverie was soon upstaged by Alan Buttershaw's ingenious serenade!

With the crowd on its feet and the celebration in full swing, Kate thought it best to leave on a high note, to leave all of the things she wanted to say to Caroline for another day. She hadn't anticipated Caroline's snippy reaction or the subsequent surrender to loss in her words and demeanor. "This isn't the time or the place." Kate reasoned with her Cupid's eager archer.

Miles ahead of her back to an existence she'd decidedly shed, gradually furthering the distance from a life impaired…she turned back to claim a love declared.

**Thanks to all for the wonderful feedback on this fiction and special thanks to Tangoedup for the lovely support! I surely welcome all feedback on this latest offering.**


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